Fit, not fat.
That’s what I want to be. I’m never going have a flat tummy or a perfect arse or legs. There’s always going to be a wobble somewhere, and actually, that’s ok. I don’t have to be fat though, and I can be fit and strong, and that’s what I’m aiming for.
I wrote a couple of weeks ago about feeling a bit fitter. I’ve been walking 5-6 miles every day on a school run. Combined with eating better, I was feeling healthier by the day. I’m trying not to focus on how much weight I’m losing because that can be hugely demoralising to me, and I want to see the results on my body, not on the scales.
I wasn’t going to start running until I felt fitter, but that’s the mentality that has stopped me for the past 15 years. It’s always ‘I’ll start next week’, ‘I’ll start when I’m a size xx’, ‘I’ll start when I’ve lost xx pounds”. It never happens though – it’s just excuses all the damn time. When I was sent a pair of running trainers to try out, I knew it was a case of now or never. That night, I pulled on some leggings and a t-shirt, tied my hair up, put on my trainers – and ran.
I didn’t go very far. I couldn’t – I’m not fit enough to run more than about a minute at a time. I literally just went around the block, a route that might take me five minutes to walk. I alternated running and walking, not wanting to push too hard and end up hurting myself. The trainers, the Nike MD Runners, are super, super comfortable. They felt really light and flexible, which I can only assume is a really good thing in running shoes. I thought my feet and knees might ache the next day (remember, I am carrying a LOT of extra weight!) but they were absolutely fine. One of my excuses for not owning a pair of decent trainers for walking or running in was always the price – but these are just £40, so really affordable if you’re trying to get fit on a budget.
I’ve gone for a run for 7 out of the 10 days that I’ve had them (I was away on a hen do on the weekend!) and each day I’m pushing a bit further, running a bit longer. There was one day in the middle that I really struggled and ended up in tears when I got home, but as my friend Lacie, who blogs on her Facebook page The Tiger Who Makes The Tea pointed out, I was lapping everyone on the sofa! I’ve been talking to some friends who are experienced runners, who have run half marathons and even they have days where they struggle.
I never thought I would ever enjoy doing exercise, but those few minutes that I am outside, on my own, with some music in my ears is something I look forward to all day. I’m hoping to properly start Couch to 5K in the next couple of weeks, and maybe get down to the seafront to run there. I’ve ordered some proper running leggings – my normal ones aren’t very good and keep rolling down as I’m running and a proper sports bra. I’m also the owner of a small set of weights now and an ab roller, so I can try and do some toning and strengthening exercises at home alongside the running.
I’m seeing a small difference in the way I look now as well. The first thing Graham’s mum said when I walked into her house on the weekend (it was a month since I last saw her) was ‘god, you’ve lost some weight’. My dad, my harshest critic at times, also noticed it and reckons I’ve lost around a stone. I can see it around my tummy and waist a little bit, and the one pair of jeans that I own are getting easier to do up every time I’m putting them on. I’m not on a diet – I’ve eaten chocolate, pizza, and ice cream – but I’m balancing it out by eating better food the rest of the time.
Fit, not fat. I’m getting there.