Parents must make numerous tough choices in life, most of which involve their children. Few decisions come close to that of discussing a cancer diagnosis with one’s kids, especially when they are as young as three to five years old.

Of all people, veterans must live with the fact that their lives may be lost at any given moment. As a part of defending their country, military personnel willingly accept unseen dangers, including the possibility of developing cancer.In 2023, over 18 million veterans were residing in the US, representing about 6% of the country’s population. The Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) states that around 50,000 veteran cancer diagnoses are made each year.Many are caught unprepared as they have never thought about how they will share their diagnosis with their children or grandchildren. In this article, we will discuss how veterans can disclose a cancer diagnosis to their children.

Understanding the Cancer Risk among Veterans

As stated earlier, thousands of veterans are diagnosed with cancer every year. The main question is whether these servicemen are at a higher risk of developing this condition than the general population. The answer to that is yes; studies have found that those serving in the military carry a greater risk of cancer due to constant toxin exposure. In some cases, they may be completely unaware of the dangers. The intensity of the risk depends on where and when the veteran has served. One sad example is the water contamination tragedy that took place in North Carolina’s Camp Lejeune. As the largest Marine Corps Base on the East Coast, Camp Lejeune was home to over 150,000 people (including veterans, their family members, and civilians).Three decades passed (1953 – 1987) before major water contamination was detected at the Base. Veterans or civilians who spent even 30 days at the Camp were at risk of being diagnosed with cancer, infertility, Parkinson’s disease, etc. TorHoerman Law states that hundreds of thousands of diagnoses were made in the years that followed.In 2022, the Biden administration granted the affected veterans the right to file administrative claims for compensation. In case of no resolution, the claims would be converted into lawsuits. So, what is the average payout for the Camp Lejeune lawsuit? It may range between $10,000 and $1 million depending on the injury and time spent on the Base. Some veterans even developed multiple cancers that may be linked to the Camp’s waters. The highest settlements are reserved for straightforward cases with multiple injuries as well as wrongful death suits. Now, the Camp Lejeune tragedy is not the only one that exposed veterans to the possibility of a cancer diagnosis.There were other military operations linked to this disease, including Agent Orange in the Vietnam War, Mustard Gas as a part of Operation Iraqi Freedom, Qarmat Ali Water Treatment Facility in Iraq, and Burn Pits of the Gulf War.

Tips to Prepare for a Serious Conversation

Many veterans begin to wonder whether they should even tell their children/grandchildren about their cancer diagnosis. This is undoubtedly a very personal decision, but it’s important to remember that children can sense when something is amiss.They may get more upset if they believe that something is kept hidden from them. Some may think that the situation is worse than it is and could blame themselves for changes in the family. It is best to disclose the truth to the child, albeit with proper planning. Listed below are some crucial tips for having a serious conversation.

• Appropriate time selection – There is no need to rush such a solemn discussion. Any time right before personal commitments or sleep hours should be avoided. A calm and unhurried moment is what is most needed for sharing the news.Having someone else by the side – A spouse or any other trusted family member should be present in the room. If grandchildren are involved, it’s essential to discuss matters with their parents first.Taking ample time – The veteran must take as much time as they require to process the diagnosis themselves. It can be a lot to absorb, especially with the changes that may follow. Educating oneself on their condition will help anticipate and deal with questions the child may have.Preparation of key points – Children do not need to know every single bit of information. This is why it is important to jot down the key points that the veteran wishes to disclose. At the time of discussion, these points must be conveyed in the most natural way using simple language.

Additional Things to Know

As much as it is painful to process the news, the child deserves to know the full truth. Considering their age and mental capacity, the basic facts of the cancer can be revealed. Let’s look at some additional tips that will help make the conversation easier–

• It’s best to start by explaining the main facts about the particular cancer and which body parts it affects. The rest of the conversation can be tailored based on the child’s responses.The language must be clear and straightforward. An example would be referring to the disease by its medical name.In case of any confusion, it’s alright to say, “I don’t know, but I promise to get the answers.”Staying calm is important, but so is expressing one’s true emotions like sadness.The child’s questions must be welcomed, but if they do not wish to talk any further, it’s vital to respect those desires too.

 The child’s response may vary depending on their age, so one must be prepared for different reactions. Children as young as five years of age may have some idea about illness and death, but they don’t understand these things fully. It’s important to ensure they do not believe themselves to somehow be the cause of the condition.From the age of seven, children can grasp the more complex aspects of serious illnesses. An open dialogue about cancer and the possibility of death is appropriate. The veteran may also discuss the treatment plan and changes to expect in appearance, strength, energy, etc.Some common questions that children have include what cancer is, why it happened, whether they will develop the disease too, and whether the person in question will die. Once over, this will be one of the many conversations that a child may revisit to gather more information.In some cases, there may be visible stress in the form of irritability, sadness, changes in sleep patterns, etc. Every child will react uniquely to the disclosure of something so serious. Veterans can also seek professional help to discuss their diagnosis with their children.