Once upon a time, in a land full of Pinterest-perfect parenting advice and gentle reminders to “hold space” for your child’s feelings, I too believed that calm, consistent boundaries and gentle redirection would be enough to guide my kids through life.
And then I had children.
Four of them, to be precise.
Let me be very clear before someone clutches their pearls and gasps into their organic chamomile tea: I love my kids more than anything. I’d walk through fire for them (and have, metaphorically, at soft play centres). But at some point in the past year, probably around the 15th time someone tried to balance a dining chair on a football while holding a cat, I had a bit of a parenting epiphany.
Enter: my new, surprisingly effective, tongue-in-cheek philosophy.
Fuck Around and Find Out.
It’s not quite what Supernanny would recommend, but let’s be honest: sometimes kids just need to find out what happens when they push a boundary. Want to stand on the back of the sofa after being told not to Elizabeth? Cool. Fall off once and discover the hard way why we don’t do it. Fancy eating twelve mini Babybels in one sitting Harrison? Bon appétit, my love. I’ll be here with the mop when the cheese-induced regret kicks in.
Why It Works
Because natural consequences are the best teachers. I can nag until I’m blue in the face (and believe me, I’ve tried), but letting them experience the fallout of their choices? That’s where the real learning happens.
It’s not about being cruel or neglectful. It’s about trusting that kids are capable of learning from their own experiences, not just our constant lectures and hovering interventions. You want to wear Crocs with no socks in December Ben? Go on then, frosty toes. You’ll remember next time.
Parenting Without a Bubble Wrap Budget
We live in a world where we’re told to bubble wrap every aspect of our kids’ lives, physically, emotionally, socially. And yes, some of that is important. But somewhere along the way, we’ve started protecting them so much that they never actually get to experience risk or responsibility.
I’m not saying let them run into traffic or light a bonfire in the living room. But letting them take calculated, low-stakes risks? That’s where resilience is built. That’s where confidence comes from. That’s where they learn: “If I do this dumb thing, something dumb might happen.”
And spoiler alert: sometimes it has to happen more than once. But it eventually clicks.
The Beauty of ‘I Told You So’ (Without Actually Saying It)
One of the greatest joys of this method? The smug internal moment when they look at you, post-splat/failure/regret, and you just give them the look. No need to say a word. They know. You know. It’s glorious.
And let’s not pretend they don’t do it to us either. Last week, I told Harrison he’d be freezing in just a hoodie. He shrugged it off. Fifteen minutes later, shivering, he asked if I had a coat in the car. I didn’t. But I did have a warm sense of satisfaction.
It’s Not Just for the Littles
The F.A.A.F.O. strategy scales beautifully with age. Teens especially thrive under it (and by thrive, I mean: they roll their eyes, ignore you, and then begrudgingly admit you were right after discovering why you don’t mix Monster Energy with a whole share bag of Haribo.
We’re not raising perfect robots. We’re raising future adults who can think critically, learn from mistakes, and navigate the world with a bit of common sense.
And sometimes, the best way to do that is to step back and let them… well, fuck around and find out.
Final Thoughts
Letting your kids fail, fall, and flounder a bit doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you a smart one. Because one day, when they’re out in the world, they’ll be the ones who know not to stack furniture to reach a biscuit tin or eat an entire bag of Haribo at once.
So here’s to letting them fall off the metaphorical (and occasionally literal) sofa, pick themselves up, and learn something valuable in the process.
Parenting: it’s an extreme sport.
