Key Takeaways:
- Anxious attachment has the strongest association with infidelity.
- Avoidant attachment is also linked to infidelity.
- There is no connection between preoccupied attachment and infidelity.
Attachment theory posits that people’s earliest relationships provide them with mental models they retain as adults. These models are also known as attachment styles, or how people approach others with whom they become romantically close.
Across cultures, between 55% and 65% of people have a secure attachment style. Surprisingly, the percentage is lower for those in the caring professions. Secure attachment makes people feel they can rely on their partners to care for them and consider their well-being.
On the other hand, people with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious or avoidant attachment, do not feel they can trust their partners fully. Anxious attachment stems from an inconsistently available caregiver, while avoidant attachment arises from a caregiver who ignored the child’s needs. Anxiously attached individuals fear abandonment, and avoidantly attached ones fear commitment and want to retain their independence from others—the exact coping mechanism they developed in childhood.
The Effect of Partners’ Attachment Styles on Relationships
Securely attached people are confident in their relationship’s stability and are less likely to be unfaithful or fear their partner is unfaithful. By contrast, anxiously attached individuals need constant reassurance from their partner and may look for comfort elsewhere if their partner fails to provide it. People with anxious attachment styles tend to equate love with sex and may seek sexual encounters even if they’re in a relationship. It has been hypothesized that the avoidantly attached are also likely to stray because they have a hard time committing to their partner.
Studies have consistently shown that anxiously attached individuals are the most likely to be unfaithful. The couple faces a higher risk of one partner cheating if either partner is anxiously attached. Changes in communication, attitude shifts, increased interest in appearance, spending more time away from home, and other warning signs of cheating may emerge. Infidelity rates are lower for couples where one or both partners have an avoidant attachment pattern.
A 2024 study with 13,666 participants revealed that anxious and avoidant attachment styles were significantly associated with incidences of marital infidelity. Secure attachment was linked to lower rates of marital infidelity. Fearful and dismissive attachment styles also correlated with infidelity, but there was no significant relationship between preoccupied attachment and infidelity.
Additionally, anxiously attached individuals often misinterpret their partner’s behavior as neglect or rejection. This heightened sensitivity can drive them to seek validation from others, even when their current relationship is intact. For avoidant individuals, infidelity can stem from a desire to maintain emotional distance, often as a defense against vulnerability.
Limitations of the Research
While research has provided valuable insights into how attachment styles influence infidelity, several limitations remain. Many studies fail to control for factors such as the frequency of sexual activities, personality traits, and overall satisfaction in the relationship. These variables can significantly impact the likelihood of infidelity, regardless of attachment style.
Relationship satisfaction plays a pivotal role. When satisfaction drops below 65% of its maximum score, couples often face separation or increased risk of infidelity. Satisfaction tends to decline over time, with the lowest points often occurring around the ten-year mark or during midlife. Understanding how attachment styles interact with these factors is crucial for addressing relationship challenges.
Cultural factors further complicate the findings. In some cultures, behaviors associated with avoidant attachment may be normalized or even encouraged, potentially skewing results. Future research must account for these cultural nuances to present a more comprehensive understanding.
How to Overcome Challenges Linked to Insecure Attachment Styles
Insecure attachment styles present challenges for individuals and their relationships, but they are not insurmountable. Therapy and self-awareness are powerful tools for addressing attachment-related issues. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help individuals identify their patterns and develop healthier ways of relating to their partners.
Open communication is key to fostering a stronger connection. Asking questions such as “Do you feel secure in our relationship?” or “How can I help you feel more loved?” can reveal underlying insecurities and needs. Couples can also benefit from regular check-ins, where they openly discuss their emotional state and reaffirm their commitment to one another.
For those struggling with anxious attachment, focusing on self-reassurance and building a strong sense of independence can reduce the need for external validation. Similarly, individuals with avoidant attachment can work on gradually opening up to their partner, allowing themselves to experience vulnerability in a safe and supportive environment.
Attachment-focused workshops or couples retreats can also provide practical tools and strategies to help partners navigate their challenges. These interventions can create an environment where both partners feel heard, valued, and secure.
Final Thoughts
Insecure attachment styles present unique challenges in relationships, often increasing the risk of infidelity. However, understanding these patterns can empower individuals and couples to take proactive steps to nurture trust and stability. Recognizing attachment insecurities early, prioritizing open communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed can significantly reduce the likelihood of infidelity and improve overall relationship satisfaction.
The impact of attachment styles goes beyond individual relationships, influencing family dynamics and shaping the emotional well-being of future generations. By fostering secure attachments, individuals can break the cycle of insecurity, paving the way for healthier, more fulfilling connections. Whether through therapy, open dialogue, or self-reflection, the journey toward secure attachment is one of growth and healing, offering the potential for lasting, meaningful relationships.
