Divorce can be a complex and emotionally draining process, even when there are no children involved. When there are, the potential for long-term harm is considerable. There are special legal protections in place to ensure that the welfare of any children is central to any decisions made by a court – but both parents will also need to approach the process in the right way.

Maintain Open and Honest Communication

To begin with, you’ll want your child to understand what’s going on. This can limit the opportunity for them to reach their own conclusions – which might be harmful.

Make sure that you reassure them that the divorce isn’t their fault, and that your love for them hasn’t changed and isn’t going to. Make sure that you tailor your explanation to their age. Don’t bog them down in details, but don’t patronise them, either.

Every child will react to this kind of news in a slightly different way. Make sure that you create space for them to express their feelings on the situation. Listen with empathy, and without judgement.

Avoid Conflict in Front of the Child

When a relationship has broken down, it’s natural that you might come into conflict with your partner. But bickering openly in front of your child can be damaging. Using them as a pawn in your conflict, by getting them to convey messages, or asking them to take sides, can be disastrous. You should aim to present a united front when it comes to matters related to parenting, even when you don’t entirely agree with your partner. It’s better to collaborate with an imperfect partner than to send mixed messages to the children.

Maintain Stability and Routine

During this period, it can often seem like everything is changing, and nothing will be the same again. This can create a damaging sense of uncertainty. You can address this by making day-to-day life as predictable as possible. Stick to the same activities, and make sure that you do the same things at the same time every week. For example, if they go to a particular place after school on a Tuesday, make a special effort to keep the appointment. It might provide welcome distraction from the situation at home.

Seek Professional Support if Needed

In some cases, it can be worth seeking support from an expert. Family law solicitors that deal with children can make a healthy contribution, as can mediators and counsellers, whose job it is to help everyone involved to process their emotions. The involvement of an experienced outsider can help set the right tone, and create the space for a post-divorce life that’s healthy and fulfilling.

Encourage a Positive Relationship with Both Parents

In most cases, both parents can have a positive influence on a child’s life, even after the divorce has gone through. Unless there are safety concerns to weigh, you’ll want to do everything possible to support your child’s relationship with your former partner. Don’t talk them down, and abide by the agreements you’ve made regarding custody.