Photo by KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA: https://www.pexels.com/photo/happy-young-multiracial-couple-taking-on-sofa-at-home-4049517/
It’s very important to start a post like this off with a clear statement that there is nothing wrong with finding an identity anew (perhaps expressing one that was there all along), or uncovering a sexual orientation, straight, queer or otherwise. However, for some committed relationships, this news, especially if coming from one side only, can rock the foundations of the understanding such relationships were built on
For example, if a partner suggests they want to open the relationship and the other party doesn’t, or if a particular orientation is different from the baseline assumed during the relationship, that can be a challenging situation for both parties to move through. It’s not that the new behavior is wrong, but it can cut to the core of what both people wanted and expected. People change over time, and this isn’t an uncommon experience for couples around the world.
If you do experience it, how do you navigate this new reality? It’s complicated and not easy but should always have an undercurrent of empathy. Perhaps you’re happy to accept the new reality wholesale, as is your right. If not, it’s best to have attentive conversations. Here’s how:
Understand The Scope Of This Situation
The last thing you want to do here is make assumptions. For example, if a partner comes out as homosexual, that doesn’t always mean they want to cheat on you. Perhaps they’re bisexual, and still have love for you, but also wanted to experiment with the other part of their identity. Being clear with open, honest, and accepting conversations is important. Remember, this person isn’t necessarily “inflicting” this news on you, but trying to be candid and open. This will help you think about what your next decisions are.
Consider Your Own Needs
It’s unfair to judge a partner because of any identity marker they have, but that doesn’t always mean you’re obligated to stay in a relationship. If you find that both of you want different things and the baseline understanding of what the relationship is has changed significantly, then it may be worth discussing your options. In some cases, that may mean working through a divorce, using respectful legal representation such as the Harper Macleod family legal team, to ensure you do so in good faith.
It’s Natural To Have Feelings
We mentioned it’s important not to judge, and that’s absolutely true. As partners, it’s important to work through life challenges and expect that people will change over time. Maybe you’re happy to try and accept this new normal, with the mutual understanding it could take some time to digest.
Yet sometimes, news like this can feel rather shattering to the life you had built together. It’s okay to grieve a life you may have lost, or to deny certain requests, like opening up a relationship or marriage to other partners. This doesn’t make you discriminatory as long as you’re not being discriminatory. Often, these scenarios can make people feel guilty or ashamed for having natural human emotions, but we’d recommend that you don’t chastise yourself, keep your back straight, and stay as professional and empathetic as you can. It will help you move on, or move together, with a newer and healthier understanding.
With this advice, we hope those experiencing such a situation can navigate it without confusion.
