I think we are pretty lucky with our three boys. When people realise we have three boys, all aged five and under, they look amazed and comment on how difficult it must be. We laugh along and nod our heads, but generally, it’s really not that bad. They can have their moments, but they’re generally very well behaved. They’re all really close and get on well, so there’s rarely any bickering.
But then today happened.
By four o’clock, I was ready to send the three of them to bed and crack open the wine. My god, were they hard work!!!
I should have guessed it was going to be ‘one of those days’ when they woke up at 7am. To a lot of parents, that’s not early but we don’t have early birds. In fact, we regularly have to wake them up if we need to go out early. It also probably didn’t help that Alex stood on my head to open the curtains, and then Ben launched a dummy at my face.
Downstairs for breakfast: usually a relatively relaxed affair. Not today. Harrison and Alex argued over who had the stripy bowl for their wheat pillows. Benjamin smeared weetabix all over himself. That stuff should be marketed as a replacement for concrete. I swear it would hold up any building when it’s dried.
Shower time: Benjamin screamed because he had to get out and let someone else have a shower. Harrison screamed because he didn’t want to go. Alex screamed because he didn’t want water to touch the tiny scratch on his knee.
Getting dressed: Alex wanted his Hulk costume on. Fine. Harrison wanted his Iron Man costume on and his new big winter coat. It’s like 25 degrees here. ‘But muuuuuum, I’m cold’. Benjamin screamed because he didn’t want any clothes on. I swear the kid is a naturist.
Morning: All I heard was ‘give it me back’, ‘that’s mine’, ‘I want’, ‘Can I have’, ‘It’s not fair’, ‘Muuuuuuum he’s looking at me’, ‘It will take too long’.
Lunchtime: They wanted pasta. I made pasta. Bowls of pasta sat uneaten and going cold because they wanted chocolate spread sandwiches. When they realised chocolate spread sandwiches were off the menu, they bickered over who had the stripy bowl. Again. After they finished, I realised there was probably more pasta on the floor than in their stomachs.
Afternoon: ‘Give it me back’, ‘that’s mine’, ‘I want’, ‘Can I have’, ‘It’s not fair’, ‘Muuuuuuum he’s looking at me’, ‘It will take too long’. Add in plenty of whining, the odd fisticuffs between the older two and Benjamin knocking over 3 cups of juice. Graham took them to the park to burn off some energy whilst Ben had a nap. They came back whining and moaning because they wanted to stay there.
Teatime: Point blank refusal to even try the food from Alex. Harrison dropped more of it down him than he put in his mouth. Benjamin saying everything is ‘hot’, and then smearing the tomato sauce around his face and hair.
Evening: They’ve been playing in the garden throwing paper aeroplanes over the fence with the kid next door. Harrison lost his so took Alex’s off him. Cue another argument and some shoving. Harrison was told to stop pratting about at the top of the slide before he hurts himself. He didn’t listen and hurt himself resulting in more whining and tears. Benjamin took his trousers and nappy off in the garden and weed in the crazy coupe car. Harrison went upstairs to the toilet and came down in another outfit. I went upstairs and discovered he had pretty much emptied his wardrobe onto the floor to find a pair of jeans that are three sizes too big and his favourite shirt.
They’re now (finally) settled, watching some sort of crap on Nick Jr. Ben is wondering around with his toy laptop, a handbag and a pair of sunglasses on upside down. It’s peaceful for the first time today, and I have poured myself a rather large glass of wine.
Tomorrow, they’ll wake up and be back to their usual lovely little selves (I hope). But for today, I’m done with parenting.