The death of a child is something no parent ever hopes to experience. Yet, at least 10,000 American parents lose children every year. Whether they die by suicide, violence, a tragic accident or some other incident, their passing is a heartbreaking experience for many families.
Another 750,000 to one million mothers suffer miscarriages each year in the United States, according to a 2015 study. Even among those who’ve never had a miscarriage, more than one-third say the experience would be equivalent to losing a child.
Perhaps you know someone who’s been through an equally life-altering event and you’re looking for ways to support them. Well, you’re in luck. Below, you’ll find a full list of thoughtful, creative ideas to remind your friend that you care.
1. Treat Them Like You Would a Friend
This goes without saying, but treat your bereaved friend like you would, well, a friend. Sometimes, people who haven’t experienced such a tragic loss are afraid to say something insensitive or unhelpful, so they avoid friends who are hurting. Yet, when you fail to reach out, it’s more alienating and rude than had you simply reached out and accidentally misspoke.
Give your friend the benefit of the doubt and the chance to talk things out if they want by giving them space to express their feelings. Check in on them and ask how they’re really doing. Then, listen. Find your own way to shower them in empathy and love as they talk. If you come from a place of sincerity, you’re sure to say just the thing to at least alleviate a bit of the pain.
2. Gift Homemade Meals
Many bereaved parents will refrain from doing anything that resembles life before their child’s death, including cooking. It simply feels like too normal a task when your world feels like it’s falling apart. Consequently, many of those in mourning will put their health on the back burner and either order takeout for weeks on end or skip meals altogether.
Make sure your friends take care of their mental and physical health by cooking and gifting them homemade meals. Lunch and dinner often take the most effort, so you can help them out by prepping a few such dishes. Casseroles, snack trays and frozen dinners are acceptable and appreciated, too.
3. Be a Designated Driver
Whether your friend has an upcoming therapy appointment or they’ve finally decided to go out with friends again, consider offering them a ride. Agreeing to drive them to appointments and social events may inspire them to leave the house more often and keep them accountable when they do agree to attend different activities.
Ultimately, being around other people is good for those who have lost a child, or anyone for that matter. Making yourself available and present in their life will help them reintegrate into society and learn to find joy and connection again. It’ll also help them reprioritize their mental health at a time when being alone would be much easier than being in public.
4. Send a Beautiful Bouquet
Most people associate flowers with happy occasions like wedding anniversaries, birthdays and valentine’s day. Yet, it’s just as thoughtful to send flowers after sad events like miscarriage and bereavement.
Choose flowers that symbolize friendship, sympathy and care. Perhaps you’ll even pick a brightly colored vase or basket to put the bouquet in. When it finally arrives at your friend’s house, it’ll add some cheer to the atmosphere and even act as a reminder that there’s still light and beauty in the world.
5. Remember Their Child at Holidays
When a parent loses their child, their friends and family might hesitate to mention the loved one’s name. After all, it’s easier to avoid emotional or awkward situations if you avoid the topic altogether. Yet, acknowledging the child’s existence and the emptiness they left behind is an important part of showing you care.
Remind your friends you love and miss their little one, too, by remembering them during holidays. Perhaps you could gift them an ornament displaying the child’s name at Christmas or a framed photo of them on what would have been their birthday. If you put some thought into it, the gift is sure to give your friend plenty of bittersweet memories to reminisce about.
Healing Takes Time
It’s understandable that you want your friend to feel better, but healing takes time. There’s no set timetable for grief, and they could struggle for as little as six weeks or up to four years or longer.
As your hurting friend struggles to pick up the pieces, remember to extend patience and grace. Whether they lost an unborn baby or adult children, the process will be full of ups and downs. Cultivate empathy and mourn with them during this time. If you’re there for them through thick and thin, they’re more apt to be vulnerable with you. When they do open up, remember to give them the kind of support they truly need, whatever that may look like.
